Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
