Michael Bay diarrhea
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
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