dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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