So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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