I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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