i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize