Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
