Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
