Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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