when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
