Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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