Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
