I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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