Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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