Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Randomize
