plz talk dirty to me
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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