Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
