I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
my shit smells like andre
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize