we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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