We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
