My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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