weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
