Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
