I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
