So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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