We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
