My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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