she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
