kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
