just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
