There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
