Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
