So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
