Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
My underwear smells like fireworks.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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