Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
