Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
