so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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