Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
