i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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