i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
