Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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