whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
