so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
