Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
