Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Success! We fucked roommates!
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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