my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
