Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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