Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
