Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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