I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
