I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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