TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Even the bartender felt bad for me
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize