corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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