i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize