how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
