Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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