VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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