he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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