maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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