Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
