he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
