I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
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