Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
