a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
