I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
