Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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