Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
