I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
