I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
