I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
