Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
