Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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