Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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