moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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