We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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