haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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