She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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