I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Barsexuality is the new black.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
