At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize