bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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