totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize