Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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