We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
