If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
