No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
