I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
