girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
