im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
