This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
