I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
