its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
