Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
