I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
