I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
