Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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