That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
