i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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