OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
