No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
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