hell yes lets make some ravioli
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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