You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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